he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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