i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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