it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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