Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we should paint friendship bongs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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