She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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