my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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