i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
