I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You've changed since you got that strap on
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
