We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need to stop coming to work sober
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
