I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
