ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
