two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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