Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
