Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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