just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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