the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
