ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
