one might say we're banned from that church
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
