Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
