I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
