I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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