so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize