Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
