my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
