Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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