Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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