I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
