Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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