Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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