Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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