we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My balls are so social today.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
