You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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