Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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