So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
