I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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