dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
