First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
