I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
