I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
