she smelled like a LAN party
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize