My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
