What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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