Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
