MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
