wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dicks are not precious.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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