I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
