FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
