i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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