16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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