It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
