Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
