He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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