my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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