awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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