I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize