you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
