New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
