We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
