Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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