i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
