Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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