i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
