If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
