its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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