I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
