yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
