is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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