at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
