You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Where is the hickey?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
