Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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