What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize