I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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